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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 2018.
Head Above Water- Avril Lavigne 
https://youtu.be/EKF6ghfcQi

Dec 2018. Head Above Water- Avril Lavigne https://youtu.be/EKF6ghfcQic I've gotta keep the calm before the storm I don't want less, I don't want more Must bar the windows and the doors To keep her safe, to keep her warm Yeah, her life is what I'm fighting for Can't part the sea, can't reach the shore And my voice becomes the driving force I won't let this pull us overboard God, keep our head above water Don't let us drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let us drown, drown, drown Don't let us, don't let her, don't let her drown So pull us up from down below 'Cause I'm underneath the undertow Come dry me off and hold me close We need you now, We need you most God, keep our head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let us drown, drown, drown Don't let us, don't let her, don't let her drown Don't let me drown, drown, drown Keep our head above water, above water And I can't see in the stormy weather I can't seem to keep it all together And I, I can't swim the ocean like this forever And I can't breathe God, keep my head above water I lose my breath at the bottom Come rescue me, I'll be waiting She’s too young to fall asleep God, keep my head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let us drown Don't let us drown (don't let her, don't let her, don't let her drown) Don't let me drown (don't let her, don't let her, don't let her drown) Keep our head above water, above water @avrillavigne

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sarahmakeseverything. Tuesday Dec 11 2018 ‘Twas the night before check in, the last out pati

Tuesday Dec 11 2018 ‘Twas the night before check in, the last out patient day. . We met two more doctors the urologist and neonatal. Dr. Church, the urologist, is one of the most amazing specialists to talk to about Spina Bifida. She didn’t mention it in our meeting to us, but she has SB. I read an article about her life with with SB (google it). She is the best. I wished we lived closer to her. It’s very encouraging to have an amazing doctor, top of her field sitting across from you. She clearly hasn’t let SB get in her way at all. I was imagining our Blake as a doctor, just like Dr. Church someday. . The day was spent getting the last items on the to do list; towels, throat candies, extra long phone cord, slippers etc. We went to Homesense and Winners which is my happy place, but this time was different. . The last thing on our to do list: Tell the world, our babe’s name, Blake Leigh Turnbull. Giving her a name was important for prayers and for giving her strength for the surgery. It was empowering. Our baby Blake. That was a powerful moment, naming her is a memory that makes me smile. . We finished the day with delicious “last supper” with Erika and Tim. . It was the last night in a real bed until mid January. Emotionally I was all of the things. Nervous. Anxious. Name Meaning in comments.

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sarahmakeseverything. Monday Dec 10 2018
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I was completely confident in the path that we we

Monday Dec 10 2018 . I was completely confident in the path that we were on, and I was also terrified. I was grateful, but I was grieving. I was in wonder, but I was anxious. I was ready, but I wasn’t. It was Monday and we had appointments. We met with Blake’s neuro surgeons who would fix her back. They also spoke about her hydrocephalus and the possible need for a shunt or an ETV and the advantages and disadvantages of both. With fetal surgery we were hoping not to need intervention at all. . On top of meeting with neuro we met with the OGBYN and the head of our surgery team, Dr. R. . This meeting was an overview of all the risks, and what to expect in surgery and a chance for us to change our mind. When it came to the details of what I would have to endure it wasn’t an issue. I would have let them take a kidney if they told me they needed it. . The scary stuff was all the things that could go wrong with the baby. The biggest risk was pre mature labour. The biggest window of concern was right after surgery. There is a handful of risks that could result in a preemie baby. Including, the risk of placenta separation, low fluid, premature labour etc. . Premature babies come with a whole set of other medical complications so it was important that we understood that surgery could make things much worse, especially if the result a micro preemie at 25weeks with Spina Bifida. . Then came the real punch in the gut. . During surgery if they had to deliver baby, would we want extraordinary measures taken to save her? They were asking if we wanted a DNR (do not resuscitate) for the baby. The “maybe” found it’s way back in. . After some thought, and discussion we decided on the DNR. My heart is breaking saying this out loud, knowing that this is part of the story. I love her so much. . I was very shaken. I was afraid. I was nervous. I was so very many emotions at once. ..... Hindsight note: I’ve seen actual micropreemies now, with SB and I don’t think I could have chosen they same way if I now what I know now- I have no idea. This is the hardest thing I have posted, saying this decision out loud.

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deepnkar. .. #secondbirth is in the world of Energy , vibrations #vibes & freque

.. #secondbirth is in the world of Energy , vibrations #vibes & frequency .. Thus , in2 da world #kingdom of Shiva and his Power - " शिव-शक्ति " #twiceborn #twicebornwarrior #awakened #awakenedsouls #awakenedminds #awakenedbeings #awakenedpeople #awakenedhumans

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sarahmakeseverything. Sunday Dec 9 2018 
Everything I expected just went up in smoke. .
I th

Sunday Dec 9 2018 Everything I expected just went up in smoke. . I thought I would be doing prenatal yoga and styling a nursery. Maybe I would hire a doula. . Instead I was making a list of things I needed to get to survive surgery and hospital life. Forget the nursery, I would not be going home until after baby was born. I was arranging a wheelchair rental and looking up accessible TTC routes for my days post surgery. . Absorbing my new reality also meant realizations of things I would not get to do. I started to grieve for the life I was expecting. I threw my stretch mark cream in the garbage because it was just a reminder of normal motherhood problems. . Even scarier, then my newly high risk pregnancy, was the unknown of what Spina Bifida would mean for my daughter and for our lives. . There wasn’t any “what to expect” books for me. . . Note: after this sketch I have a real urge to have this bonfire for real, and photograph it. Any medical mamas want in ? 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ @jlwphotography1 want to come to a book burning party? . . . medicalmama #nicubaby #spinabeautiful #spinabifida #spinabifidastrong #fetalsurgery #fetalsurgerybaby #yqrbaby #yqr #medicalbaby #spinabifidaawareness #hydrocephalus #chiarimalformation #miraclebaby #momlife #redefiningspinabifida #mylomeningocele #sickkidsvs #sickkidsvsimpossible #sickkidsvslimits #warriormom #twiceborn #vpshunt #chiarimalformationawareness #diagnosis #diagnosisday

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yourguide.to.movies. \"The weirdest love stories are always the best\"

TWICE BORN (2012) by

"The weirdest love stories are always the best" TWICE BORN (2012) by Sergio Castellitto. . . . . . . . #twiceborn #sergiocastellitto #movieoftheday #movie #drama #mindfuckmovies #italy #italian #spain #spanish #goodfilms #whattowatch #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #saadetaksoy #goodmovies #movies

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sarahmakeseverything. Hydrocephalus awareness.
This is Blake’s brain 3 months- 9 months.
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A

Hydrocephalus awareness. This is Blake’s brain 3 months- 9 months. . At 3 months old. There is enlarged ventricles but at this time it had stabilized and they were not considered about pressure. Before 3 months old Blake had weekly head ultrasounds to monitor. At around 3.5 months they believed things had stabilized enough that we would be able to go until 6 months without a follow up. . At 5 months we brought Blake in because we were concerned because she was vomiting, irritable and her head grew. This same day I took her to the local hospital and they sent us home because she was fine, we are very glad I did not listen to them. Anyways, there was passionate conversation with neuro because we wanted an ETV and he said her anatomy was not suitable and Blake had a shunt placed within 24 hours of this MRI. . 5-6 months? This is within a month after surgery. You can see the decrease in pressure. She had air pockets from the surgery, the dark areas. 6 weeks after shunt #1 we had a shunt malfunction and #2 was placed. . 7-8 months? The ventricles have decreased and you can see the shunt. It took some time with settings to get things right. We went from 1.5 to 1 and back to 1.5 again. . 9 months. This is her Brain in November, the ventricles are way smaller. The air pockets are gone. The surgeon is happy.

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sarahmakeseverything. Saturday Dec 8 2018  We boarded the train to Brantford very early in t

Saturday Dec 8 2018 We boarded the train to Brantford very early in the morning to visit my Grandpa Harry and Nana Lynne. . I had a heightened sense of purpose. There are very few moments in life when you know, absolutely, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. This was one of those rare times. . At the same time, riding along side my confidence, were some anxious new realities I had to start to absorb. What would Spina Bifida mean to us? And Surgery, it was so abstract a concept it was hard to believe that it was real, and it was happening to baby and me, and soon. . Seeing my family was nice and we prayed for the surgery to go smoothly. It was nice to have the shift in direction. We were no longer praying for surgery to happen but instead for the outcomes. We gave thanks for the opportunity, and for the path that had been provided for us. . I felt like I was in sync with the wind, and the world. It was odd and extraordinary but it felt perfect, peaceful and anxious at the same time. It was a practice in faith.

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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 6 2018
I didn’t have any apts today, and I had abruptly left my li

Dec 6 2018 I didn’t have any apts today, and I had abruptly left my life and business for about a week. So it was a good day to go to the Library to get some work done. . I had written all my clients with a message with what was going on and a game plan for their project. The reply’s I got back were interesting. Some people clearly didn’t read past the “I’m pregnant,” and I got two congratulations.... 🤦🏻‍♀️ . I had a client ask me to come by the next week when I am done my emergency business, I explained that I would be physically unable to be more then 30mins away from a major hospital until March... . I had two separate direct marketer friends contact me, asking how Toronto was and would I like to buy skincare products or fitness products..... perfect for a person about to be on bedrest and cut open. Stretch mark cream really isn’t at the top of your list when you are about to be cut open... #perspective Sometimes it took more then one message or phone call to explain how serious things were but in the end all of our clients were amazing and I was so happy that I was not solo in business. While I was in the Library it took me about 4 hours to do 20mins of work. My mind was all over the place but in particular on that DNA test. What were Trisomy 13, 18 & 21? . . 21 is Down syndrome. 13 & 18 were more scary, and worse, both of them cause Spina Bifida as a symptom, among other defects. In both 13 &18, only 10% survive past the first year of life. I understood the unsaid reason for DNA testing. I understood that if we failed DNA testing it would mean more then just no to fetal surgery. . Dear God, please be with my baby. . . #medicalmama #nicubaby #spinabeautiful #spinabifida #spinabifidastrong #fetalsurgery #fetalsurgerybaby #yqrbaby #yqr #medicalbaby #spinabifidaawareness #hydrocephalus #chiarimalformation #miraclebaby #momlife #redefiningspinabifida #mylomeningocele #sickkidsvs #sickkidsvsimpossible #sickkidsvslimits #warriormom #twiceborn #vpshunt #chiarimalformationawareness #diagnosis #diagnosisday

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sarahmakeseverything. ❤️ someone loves to stand ❤️
New kicks. @billyfootwear adaptive @brain

❤️ someone loves to stand ❤️ New kicks. @billyfootwear adaptive @brainsportyxe

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iam_photo_logist. Twice Born ( 2012 )
Love and Drama
Beautiful story with beautiful fram

Twice Born ( 2012 ) Love and Drama Beautiful story with beautiful frames. Diego Genna Aska and Goika. #twiceborn #twicebornmovie

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sethlezon. It's time to take over! Be faithful to the Maker of heaven and earth.

It's time to take over! Be faithful to the Maker of heaven and earth. . . You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1 John 4:4 NIV . . #jesus #holyspirit #focus #contentment #love #practicesafesocials #God #true #scripture #wisdom #adventure #influence #health #bridge #ready #yes #trust #twiceborn #new #hike #mountain #move

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___filmspeaks___. ♥️ •
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♥️ • • • • Twice Born • • • • Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Italy) Director: Sergio Castellitto Music director: Eduardo Cruz, Arturo Annecchino • • • • #filmspeaks #twiceborn #italy #sergiocastellitto #eduardocruz #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #romantic #love #romance #couplegoals #instagood #like #wedding #instagram #photography #couple #lovequotes #sad #beautiful #bollywood #travel #cute #nature #art #boyfriend #girlfriend #lovers #music #relationshipgoals

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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 5th 2018
It was a week since diagnosis day and even though it felt

Dec 5th 2018 It was a week since diagnosis day and even though it felt like I was always waiting the reality was that things had moved very fast. . It was MRI day at Sick Kids. Thinking about that first MRI it’s crazy to think how routine an MRI is to us now. . We went to the reception desk and they asked us the name of the child. 😂😂. I told them she was still cooking and it would probably be under my name. I had one set of doctors at mount Sinai and the baby had her doctors at sick kids. It’s a joint surgery between the two hospitals. . So we sat in the waiting area with all the kids waiting for MRIs. It was mine (& Blake’s) first ever MRI. It seemed so exotic and space age. As a pregnant lady it was especially hard not to eat beforehand and then not move. It was exactly like a TV show or movie, except it takes way longer. I was loaded into a very noisy tube and told to lay still. They can’t control babies movements so they told me it could take between 1-3 hours! I believe it ended up being an hour or so. . Laying there in that tube, I thought about how crazy fetal surgery is. I felt like I was living in a sci -fi movie or in a plot from greys anatomy. You know something is crazy if it’s comparable to greys. Was this my real life? Would this actually happen? and although I tried not to think about it- What if there is more genetically wrong then SB? Then what? . . #medicalmama #nicubaby #spinabeautiful #spinabifida #spinabifidastrong #fetalsurgery #fetalsurgerybaby #yqrbaby #yqr #medicalbaby #spinabifidaawareness #hydrocephalus #chiarimalformation #miraclebaby #momlife #redefiningspinabifida #mylomeningocele #sickkidsvs #sickkidsvsimpossible #sickkidsvslimits #warriormom #twiceborn #vpshunt #chiarimalformationawareness #diagnosis #diagnosisday

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bibi_sola. Siamo sempre stati un pò ridicoli insieme, credo che questa sia la nos

Siamo sempre stati un pò ridicoli insieme, credo che questa sia la nostra bellezza. . . . . #venutoalmondo #twiceborn #book #margaretmazzantini #frasi #film #movie #myfavorite #favoritebooks #libro #penelopecruz #love #amore #leggere #leggerechepassione #booklover

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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 3 2018
The things in ordered to be approved for fetal surgery:
Ult

Dec 3 2018 The things in ordered to be approved for fetal surgery: Ultrasound(s), Fetal echocardiogram, MRI, Amnio for DNA testing, interviews/questionnaires. . Both Mom and Baby need to meet the criteria to make sure the risk/reward is worth it. You’ve probably heard the doctors oath, “to do no harm.” Fetal surgery is as close to a grey area as you can get. My health had to be good enough, so things they checked; blood pressure, cervix size, health history, bmi, placenta positioning, non smoker etc. For baby she had to be in good enough health aside from the Spina Bifida. She could not have any chromosome defects. She had to have Chiari severe enough that the surgery would benefit her. . That first day we immediately had an ultrasound. It was completely different then any other ultrasound because it was done by a doctor, who would talk to me through what they were seeing and I could ask questions. . Then we meet Dr. Tim. Dr Tim, is the man. He did an ultrasound himself, and he tapped my stomach in such a way to test the babies reflex’s. This was nothing like ultrasounds back home. This was amazing, I was not in Kansas anymore ;). . Dr. Tim told us what to expect from baby without surgery. L4-L5. It was real answers and a real diagnosis. He told us he wasn’t concerned about cognitive abilities, or sudden death. He explained all the head stuff so much better to us, she wasn’t in danger of being “a vegetable” which we were led to believe was a possibility. She didn’t have a small head, 0% wasn’t true. Mobility wise was harder to tell with an L4, maybe walking with aids maybe a wheelchair for distances. We were told about washroom issues and how people adapt, carry on and we did not have to worry about diapers for life. . The whole thing was amazing. Without surgery we had just a better clearer outlook then we had been previously been told. The roulette wheel of severity was gone. . I expected them to promote the surgery or talk about how awesome it was, but instead they told me about the risks, and how it isn’t guaranteed results. They told me that having the surgery could actually make things worse if baby came earlier as a result. . Continued in comments

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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 3rd 2018
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Fortuna Favet Audaci- Fortune Favours the Bold - The Tu

Dec 3rd 2018 . Fortuna Favet Audaci- Fortune Favours the Bold - The Turnbull Family Crest. . It’s the big day. I wake up anxiously excited. I walk to the apt, giving myself a pep talk. . I’m Sarah Turnbull, I’ve got this, afterall, you swam from Alcatraz, you did an Ironman, you worked for Obama, you started your own business, your strong as f*ck and nothing is impossible for you. (I sound pretty awesome, right?) . I thought I would walk in and take the tests, and say “where do I sign?” I was determined. . I walked to the building and my Aunt Jan was waiting for me. Shane would not arrive until Tuesday. She changed her schedule to be able to attend all my apts with me on Monday. I was taken care of. She was the perfect person to sit with me because she had so many stories to share, even family history I just didn’t know. . The day was much heavier then I first imagined it. I didn’t think we would do much more then tests, but I was wrong. . . . . #medicalmama #nicubaby #spinabeautiful #spinabifida #spinabifidastrong #fetalsurgery #fetalsurgerybaby #yqrbaby #yqr #medicalbaby #spinabifidaawareness #hydrocephalus #chiarimalformation #miraclebaby #momlife #redefiningspinabifida #mylomeningocele #sickkidsvs #sickkidsvsimpossible #sickkidsvslimits #warriormom #twiceborn #vpshunt #chiarimalformationawareness #diagnosis #diagnosisday

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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 2 2018 
I arrived in Toronto on my 21st best friend anniversary wi

Dec 2 2018 I arrived in Toronto on my 21st best friend anniversary with Erika. Yes, we know the moment we met and the outfits we were wearing. I was welcomed with the biggest hug. They had just moved days beforehand to company provided temporary housing on Joseph street, which just happened to be a 10 min walk from my appointments and hospitals. I joined them on a Christmas expedition to get a tree, and have have festive Swiss chalet specials. I didn’t have to worry about running into anyone, or pretending to be okay, I just got to have a day with my BFF getting ready for Christmas in my old neighborhood in Toronto. ❤️❤️❤️ Under the circumstances it was the best day I could have asked for. @goldylox82 . . . Note: I am not entirely pleased with this sketch and the likeness, but my goal was to do quick sketches to tell a story for my soul and not get hung up on perfect. . . . #medicalmama #nicubaby #spinabeautiful #spinabifida #spinabifidastrong #fetalsurgery #fetalsurgerybaby #yqrbaby #yqr #medicalbaby #spinabifidaawareness #hydrocephalus #chiarimalformation #miraclebaby #momlife #redefiningspinabifida #mylomeningocele #sickkidsvs #sickkidsvsimpossible #sickkidsvslimits #warriormom #twiceborn #vpshunt #chiarimalformationawareness #diagnosis #diagnosisday

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sarahmakeseverything. Dec 2 2018
I’ve always loved the take off in a plane. It’s the beginni

Dec 2 2018 I’ve always loved the take off in a plane. It’s the beginning of any adventure. I love to look out the window, to see the clouds and the world from a new perspective. When the plane took off at 6am I had that same feeling, my adrenaline had been at a high since diagnosis and it wasn’t slowing down. Toronto is like a second home for me. I grew up going there every year of my life, my grandparents live in the area and I lived there when I went to Ryerson University. Going to Toronto felt right, I felt like I was moving with purpose. I had discovered that only 25% of people who go for assessment actually get the surgery, that number was worrisome but I felt like we would be in the 25%. I couldn’t think about the 75%. At this time, I thought fetal surgery was this modern day miracle. . . For reference Regina to Toronto is 2700 kms, (1678 miles) that’s similar to the distance from London to Moscow. . . #medicalmama #nicubaby #spinabeautiful #spinabifida #spinabifidastrong #fetalsurgery #fetalsurgerybaby #yqrbaby #yqr #medicalbaby #spinabifidaawareness #hydrocephalus #chiarimalformation #miraclebaby #momlife #redefiningspinabifida #mylomeningocele #sickkidsvs #sickkidsvsimpossible #sickkidsvslimits #warriormom #twiceborn #vpshunt #chiarimalformationawareness #diagnosis #diagnosisday

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___filmspeaks___. 🙃
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Twice Born
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Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Ital

🙃 • • • • • Twice Born • • • • Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Italy) Director: Sergio Castellitto Music director: Eduardo Cruz, Arturo Annecchino • • • • #filmspeaks #twiceborn #italy #sergiocastellitto #eduardocruz #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #romantic #love #romance #couplegoals #instagood #like #wedding #instagram #photography #couple #lovequotes #sad #beautiful #bollywood #travel #cute #nature #art #boyfriend #girlfriend #lovers #music

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___filmspeaks___. It’s difficult to translate Poetry ....♥️ •
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Twice Born
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It’s difficult to translate Poetry ....♥️ • • • • • Twice Born • • • • Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Italy) Director: Sergio Castellitto Music director: Eduardo Cruz, Arturo Annecchino • • • • #filmspeaks #twiceborn #italy #sergiocastellitto #eduardocruz #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #romantic #love #romance #couplegoals #instagood #like #wedding #instagram #photography #couple #lovequotes #sad #beautiful #bollywood #travel #cute #nature #art #boyfriend #girlfriend #lovers #music

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___filmspeaks___. ♥️
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Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Ital

♥️ • • • • • Twice Born • • • • Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Italy) Director: Sergio Castellitto Music director: Eduardo Cruz, Arturo Annecchino • • • • #filmspeaks #twiceborn #italy #sergiocastellitto #eduardocruz #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #romantic #love #romance #couplegoals #instagood #like #wedding #instagram #photography #couple #lovequotes #sad #beautiful #bollywood #travel #cute #nature #art #boyfriend #girlfriend #lovers #music

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___filmspeaks___. Not just a image...💔 #swipeleft •
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Twice Born
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Initial re

Not just a image...💔 #swipeleft • • • • Twice Born • • • • Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Italy) Director: Sergio Castellitto Music director: Eduardo Cruz, Arturo Annecchino • • • • #filmspeaks #twiceborn #italy #sergiocastellitto #eduardocruz #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #romantic #love #romance #couplegoals #instagood #like #wedding #instagram #photography #couple #lovequotes #sad #beautiful #bollywood #travel #cute #nature #art #boyfriend #girlfriend #lovers #music

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___filmspeaks___. படம் தந்த வலி இன்னும் போகவில்லை .... நிச்சயம் உங்களை இந்த படம் பாதிக்க

படம் தந்த வலி இன்னும் போகவில்லை .... நிச்சயம் உங்களை இந்த படம் பாதிக்கும் .... காதல் கதை என்று நினைத்து தான் இந்த படத்தை பார்த்தேன் ஆனால் இது அதையும் தாண்டிய ஒன்று .... படத்தை முழுமையாக பார்க்கவும் .... இறுதி சில மணி நேரம் மனதை உலுக்கி எடுத்தது .... 💔 • • • • Twice Born • • • • Initial release: 8 November 2012 (Italy) Director: Sergio Castellitto Music director: Eduardo Cruz, Arturo Annecchino • • • • #filmspeaks #twiceborn #italy #sergiocastellitto #eduardocruz #penelopecruz #emilehirsch #romantic #love #romance #couplegoals #instagood #like #wedding #instagram #photography #couple #lovequotes #sad #beautiful #bollywood #travel #cute #nature #art #boyfriend #girlfriend #lovers #music #relationshipgoals

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